Someone asked me recently “when did you know it was over for you in terms of the ministry and the fundamentalist/evangelical world?”
As I think over that two-fold question, I am reminded of a similar question that might be asked to someone who had been through a divorce. What broke the camel’s back? The answer many times it was not the fighting, the adulteries, the physical or mental abuse. Oftentimes it is something quite mundane that wouldn’t register a second look to anyone else.
For me, the end of my career in the ministry was not the lying, the cheating, the stealing, the fanaticism, the fighting, the emotional abuse me and my family took, the wacked-out ideas.
It came at a deacon meeting when one particular deacon, jealous of the attention another deacon was getting, made this bizarre statement to me (a grown man and grandfather):
“You shake hands with him differently than you shake hands with me”.
In that single moment, something inside of me, died. I could almost hear the death rattle of the camel.
I had spent years at a Bible college, studying theology and Scripture. Countless hours preparing sermons, visiting the shut-ins, and the sick. Yet none of that prepared me for that moment.
Encapsulated in that statement is everything that is wrong with fundamentalism: Intellectual, emotional, and spiritual dwarfism. To continue on would have been like chiseling away at Mt. Rushmore with a butter knife. Whatever happened after that, was simply awaiting the inevitable.
Stupid? Mundane? Perhaps, but for me it was a loud yell in my ear: “ITS NOT WORKING!!”
As to the second part of the question, this was after I quit the ministry. As the magnet toward Rome was getting stronger, I was still attending occasionally a Christian Missionary Alliance church. One Sunday, they had great, uplifting, hand clapping, hand-raising music. Very emotional. Everyone was having a great time.Except me.I was bored to tears and it all seemed so lifeless and artificial.What would have attracted me years before, had no more meaning to me. I knew then I was no longer evangelical. The CMA church in question is filled with a fine group of people who remain my friends, including the pastor. It wasn’t them so much. It’s just that I could no longer pretend to be something I was not.
Looking back on it now, neither incident amounted to much at the time. But for me, the Holy Spirit was shouting very loudly in my ears.
Some of us I guess, just need to be better listeners.
Monday, June 30, 2008
Sunday, June 22, 2008
The Works that Influenced me to return to the Catholic Church.
Seek for answers, and when you find what seems to be an answer, question that too. Louis L’amour, The Walking Drum.
My return to the Catholic Church was not something that happened in an instant. The works mentioned here were read by me over a twenty year period. Here are a few golden nuggets I picked up on the way.
1. The Writings of the Early Church.
If one wishes to know about a period of history, what makes more sense? To ask someone who actually lived, worked, and experienced the events first-hand? Or to ask someone thousands of years and miles removed from the events who has his own prejudices? An honest historian will seek to hear the voices of those who lived the events. Here are a few:
A Dictionary of Early Christian Beliefs, edited by David W. Bercot.
The Teachings of the Church Fathers, edited by John R. Willis.
For those unwilling to sift through the volumes of writings by the Early Church Fathers, these two books give a comprehensive reference guide of how the Early Church thought in the first 300 years. The fundamentalist will avoid these books like a vampire does the sunrise.
The History of the Church by Eusebius.
This was a major shock to me while I was still in fundamentalism. Written in the 4th century, Eusebius gives an undeniably Catholic picture of the early church. It tears apart ‘Trail of Blood’ revisionist church history.
The City of God and Confessions by St. Augustine.
These works fascinated me with what is a clearly Catholic view of Christianity.
2. The Writings of the Medieval Church
The Imitation of Christ by Thomas a Kempis.
The Soul’s Journey into God, The Tree of Life, and The Life of St. Francis by St. Bonaventure.
The Little Flowers of St. Francis, unknown.
These works blew me out of the water. How could these men, in the “DARK AGES”, write what was so obviously born of the Holy Spirit? A Kempis especially moved me and brought me to my knees.
3. The Writings of the Reformation, two wonderful bad examples:
Selected Works of Martin Luther.
Luther comes off as a cold theologian who appeared to lack humility and spiritual guidance. He is an angry man given to exaggerations, distortions, contradictions, inconsistencies within his own writings. Emotion, not reason, dominated his writings. His chief supporters were the humanists, rebellious, immoral clergy and those with revolutionary tendencies. The Renaissance introduced and greatly fostered the conditions Luther played into at the time. In short, Luther was not reaching back into Church history to recover Biblical Christianity (as what had been told to me), he was instead a product of his time.
Selected Works of John Calvin.
Calvin fares a little better. But his cold and lifeless approach to predestination left a sour taste in my mouth. The more I read Calvin, the less of a Calvinist I became.
4. Modern Works.
The Ministry of Malcolm Smith.
Malcolm Smith is a Charismatic Episcopal Priest from England. His sermons had a major influence on why I returned to the Catholic Church. Still available on audio are these:
Blood Covenant.
Preached while Malcolm was a young Pentecostal preacher in New York during the 1960s ‘renewal movement.’ This series punched a huge hole in my dispensationalist beliefs while still a fundamentalist. That led to his next series of sermons:
The Seven Covenants of Scripture.
Unfortunately no longer available.
The Power of the Holy Spirit in Liturgy.
This is perhaps, the most powerful dissertation on the Sacraments I ever heard. If one has never been a part of a sacramental church, I would recommend this series of sermons to help explain the way. Malcolm uses much scripture, and wonderful illustrations to introduce to a non-sacramental audience the beauty of the Sacraments. I also recommend:
The Holy Spirit in the Sacraments.
Covers much of the same ground, but goes much deeper.
Books:
Fundamentalism and Catholicism by Karl Keating.
The final nail in the coffin (for me) of fundamentalism. Keating writes with intelligence coupled with extensive background information that is a must read for any convert.
The Catechism of the Catholic Church.
Recommended for anyone who wishes to know what the Catholic Church believes.
Roots of the Reformation by Karl Adam.
In this short work, Adam gives the best analysis of the Reformation I have ever read.
Journeys Home by Marcus Grodi.
The journeys of Protestant clergy back to the Catholic Church.
There were many others, but these came immediately to mind.
My return to the Catholic Church was not something that happened in an instant. The works mentioned here were read by me over a twenty year period. Here are a few golden nuggets I picked up on the way.
1. The Writings of the Early Church.
If one wishes to know about a period of history, what makes more sense? To ask someone who actually lived, worked, and experienced the events first-hand? Or to ask someone thousands of years and miles removed from the events who has his own prejudices? An honest historian will seek to hear the voices of those who lived the events. Here are a few:
A Dictionary of Early Christian Beliefs, edited by David W. Bercot.
The Teachings of the Church Fathers, edited by John R. Willis.
For those unwilling to sift through the volumes of writings by the Early Church Fathers, these two books give a comprehensive reference guide of how the Early Church thought in the first 300 years. The fundamentalist will avoid these books like a vampire does the sunrise.
The History of the Church by Eusebius.
This was a major shock to me while I was still in fundamentalism. Written in the 4th century, Eusebius gives an undeniably Catholic picture of the early church. It tears apart ‘Trail of Blood’ revisionist church history.
The City of God and Confessions by St. Augustine.
These works fascinated me with what is a clearly Catholic view of Christianity.
2. The Writings of the Medieval Church
The Imitation of Christ by Thomas a Kempis.
The Soul’s Journey into God, The Tree of Life, and The Life of St. Francis by St. Bonaventure.
The Little Flowers of St. Francis, unknown.
These works blew me out of the water. How could these men, in the “DARK AGES”, write what was so obviously born of the Holy Spirit? A Kempis especially moved me and brought me to my knees.
3. The Writings of the Reformation, two wonderful bad examples:
Selected Works of Martin Luther.
Luther comes off as a cold theologian who appeared to lack humility and spiritual guidance. He is an angry man given to exaggerations, distortions, contradictions, inconsistencies within his own writings. Emotion, not reason, dominated his writings. His chief supporters were the humanists, rebellious, immoral clergy and those with revolutionary tendencies. The Renaissance introduced and greatly fostered the conditions Luther played into at the time. In short, Luther was not reaching back into Church history to recover Biblical Christianity (as what had been told to me), he was instead a product of his time.
Selected Works of John Calvin.
Calvin fares a little better. But his cold and lifeless approach to predestination left a sour taste in my mouth. The more I read Calvin, the less of a Calvinist I became.
4. Modern Works.
The Ministry of Malcolm Smith.
Malcolm Smith is a Charismatic Episcopal Priest from England. His sermons had a major influence on why I returned to the Catholic Church. Still available on audio are these:
Blood Covenant.
Preached while Malcolm was a young Pentecostal preacher in New York during the 1960s ‘renewal movement.’ This series punched a huge hole in my dispensationalist beliefs while still a fundamentalist. That led to his next series of sermons:
The Seven Covenants of Scripture.
Unfortunately no longer available.
The Power of the Holy Spirit in Liturgy.
This is perhaps, the most powerful dissertation on the Sacraments I ever heard. If one has never been a part of a sacramental church, I would recommend this series of sermons to help explain the way. Malcolm uses much scripture, and wonderful illustrations to introduce to a non-sacramental audience the beauty of the Sacraments. I also recommend:
The Holy Spirit in the Sacraments.
Covers much of the same ground, but goes much deeper.
Books:
Fundamentalism and Catholicism by Karl Keating.
The final nail in the coffin (for me) of fundamentalism. Keating writes with intelligence coupled with extensive background information that is a must read for any convert.
The Catechism of the Catholic Church.
Recommended for anyone who wishes to know what the Catholic Church believes.
Roots of the Reformation by Karl Adam.
In this short work, Adam gives the best analysis of the Reformation I have ever read.
Journeys Home by Marcus Grodi.
The journeys of Protestant clergy back to the Catholic Church.
There were many others, but these came immediately to mind.
Thursday, June 12, 2008
Fundamentalism and Elitism.
As time goes on I will add things here and there to my testimony. Here are some thoughts I have had recently reflecting on my days in among independent fundamental baptists:
My world became smaller when I was a fundamentalist. That was because fundamentalists find it difficult to “fellowship” with those different from themselves.
I once heard a fundamentalist preacher say this about any association with Catholics:
“Ignoring their lost state, being tolerant of their false doctrine, and pretending they are one of us is not going to help them get saved.”
The bolded statement is an eye-opening glimpse into the dark pit of the fundamentalist soul. If one believes that he or she has experienced what no other has (being “born again”), and possesses what others other than them could not possibly have (the Holy Spirit), it creates an elitist world-view that allows only those to whom we agree with, to enter.
Over the years I have heard “that person is now a (insert opposition group here), so I had to ’break fellowship’ with them” This is the fundamentalist doctrine of “separation”. A superior, elitist attitude of belonging to a privileged group. Those who do not belong to the group are called “unrepentant brothers and false teachers”
The problem is, that encompasses quite a population if one takes that to its logical conclusion. This encompasses people far beyond hated Catholics and liberals. It also includes people within their own ‘circle’ with whom they disagree. To belong to this ever shrinking circle becomes the object they strive for.
In rationalizing that Christians who don’t agree with you are all “compromisers,” they assume that is the indicator of true spirituality.
They truly believe they are superior. This theological “rigidity” is more important than all other factors. And sadly, there is a trail of broken relationships in their past that is blamed on the actions of the people they “separated” from. Tragically, these broken relationships include family members and former friends.
This completely went against how I was raised by my parents. We did not abandon family and friends based on disagreements or world-view. Jesus taught us to love one another, not to pick and choose whom we love.
I believe one of the reasons fundamental Baptists think this way has to do with living in a fantasy world of their own making. They look to a reality that never existed, and hope for a Utopia that never will exist. When struck by the fact that it does not, it destroys their illusions and they lapse into cynicism and depression. They deal with this by altering reality through 'separation' from whatever or whoever is not like themselves and an end-times fairy tale which allows them to press on in world that does not accept them.
“Fellowshipping” with a group who truly believe they are better than others can be a surreal experience. It leads logically to exclusion based on reasons that hardly fit into their “Biblical world-view”. Many times it is based on race, class, education, and sex.
The sad part is, the longer one “fellowships” with fundamentalists, “separation” from them becomes a relief.
My world became smaller when I was a fundamentalist. That was because fundamentalists find it difficult to “fellowship” with those different from themselves.
I once heard a fundamentalist preacher say this about any association with Catholics:
“Ignoring their lost state, being tolerant of their false doctrine, and pretending they are one of us is not going to help them get saved.”
The bolded statement is an eye-opening glimpse into the dark pit of the fundamentalist soul. If one believes that he or she has experienced what no other has (being “born again”), and possesses what others other than them could not possibly have (the Holy Spirit), it creates an elitist world-view that allows only those to whom we agree with, to enter.
Over the years I have heard “that person is now a (insert opposition group here), so I had to ’break fellowship’ with them” This is the fundamentalist doctrine of “separation”. A superior, elitist attitude of belonging to a privileged group. Those who do not belong to the group are called “unrepentant brothers and false teachers”
The problem is, that encompasses quite a population if one takes that to its logical conclusion. This encompasses people far beyond hated Catholics and liberals. It also includes people within their own ‘circle’ with whom they disagree. To belong to this ever shrinking circle becomes the object they strive for.
In rationalizing that Christians who don’t agree with you are all “compromisers,” they assume that is the indicator of true spirituality.
They truly believe they are superior. This theological “rigidity” is more important than all other factors. And sadly, there is a trail of broken relationships in their past that is blamed on the actions of the people they “separated” from. Tragically, these broken relationships include family members and former friends.
This completely went against how I was raised by my parents. We did not abandon family and friends based on disagreements or world-view. Jesus taught us to love one another, not to pick and choose whom we love.
I believe one of the reasons fundamental Baptists think this way has to do with living in a fantasy world of their own making. They look to a reality that never existed, and hope for a Utopia that never will exist. When struck by the fact that it does not, it destroys their illusions and they lapse into cynicism and depression. They deal with this by altering reality through 'separation' from whatever or whoever is not like themselves and an end-times fairy tale which allows them to press on in world that does not accept them.
“Fellowshipping” with a group who truly believe they are better than others can be a surreal experience. It leads logically to exclusion based on reasons that hardly fit into their “Biblical world-view”. Many times it is based on race, class, education, and sex.
The sad part is, the longer one “fellowships” with fundamentalists, “separation” from them becomes a relief.
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